I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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