But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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