as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
