P.S. I can't hear my feet
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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