but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
