ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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