I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
