Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
