apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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