I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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