the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I will be naked everywhere
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
