i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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