YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
