My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
