Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
