I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
