I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
