wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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