I feel like I'm in dance class right now
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
