he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
