OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
