Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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