even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
