are you still at the devil's house?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
