I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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