Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
