it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
