So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize