I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
