I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
