So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
