kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
