I could have mohawked her pubes.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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