I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
