he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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