"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
