the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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