Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
