When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wear drunk well.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
