Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
