break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
