you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
