i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
