New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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