Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
