I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
