sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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