you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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