Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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