your room smells of hookers.
And success
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
