After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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