She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
