The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
