Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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