12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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