he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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