I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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