You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
