dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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