I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
