There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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