Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
