Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
