can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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