New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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