i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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