he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
