Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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