he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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