ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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