You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
