arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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