you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
