I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
