At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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