Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
