Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
