Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
