I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
