Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
