if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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