a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
