What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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