She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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